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 Post subject: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:22 pm 
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Here is were I'd like you to comment on my Miashona story, "Shadow Of The Eclipse."
Nothing much more to say other then that.

You can find my story here:
http://stupidmariobrosfansite.freeforums.org/shadow-of-the-eclipse-t7207.html

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:20 am 
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Wow you made a great start on this. I can't wait til you continue.

Miashona better be ready for Gavin.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:44 pm 
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Chapter 2 is up! Be sure to check it out.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:28 pm 
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And now Chapter 3 is up. Burning these things out rather fast, aren't I?

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 12:45 am 
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True but I have to say. you are making this good. I can't wait for what's next.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:51 pm 
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Hah! I have a new one for FeedtheEgo;

"Lord Gavin is so awesome, he can take down a Velociraptor." (Or at least that's my interpretation of the creature you described)

In all seriousness, I am quite impressed by the story thus far. I only wish you would write shorter chapters so that I can find time to read it all in one sitting.

And ARGH! The plot elements that are obviously important later on (Such as that emerald) annoy me to no end because there are too many to adequately detail at one time.

Whatever. Nice job so far, Gav. I hope to read more later

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:18 pm 
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Actually PM, you reminded be about something in the story that... I'm surprised no one noticed.
There was an error in the plot: Gavin knew about the emerald his sons found when... he's not supposed to (mentions it somewhere in Chapter 3). That's been re-edited with other (still important) information and Gavin will learn about the emerald come Chapter 4.

Also, I've made a quick fix in Chapter 1 (mixed up the wrong son's name). Otherwise, nothing else has been changed and expect the new chapter sometime today.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 7:01 pm 
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Ahaha! Your welcome Gavin, for that. xD
Anyways, I have already told you this, but even though I know the general story of what is going to happen already, I love it. The only thing I wish was better was the multiple freaken mistakes/typos I keep finding when I read it. xD Besides that, like I said, I love it.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:34 pm 
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Yeah, if you'd help me proof-read it one day PC (anyone else is welcome to help as well, of course), that would be great. Rather have it perfect then slightly flawed.

Oh, chapter 4 is up now.
Enjoy.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:39 pm 
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Fine by me, Gavin. If you want me to, sure..

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:05 pm 
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I actually found the attention span to read it. I forced myself to. Its pretty good except for a few grammatical errors I found.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 12:03 pm 
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TheInsanityProd wrote:
I actually found the attention span to read it.

GASP! You did!? And you still enjoyed it!?
I must be insane, this is too much to believe! XD

But thanks, Insanity. I'm glad you did get around to it and enjoyed it. Hopefully you'll be able to read the rest as it appears. ;D

And yes, PunkChick, it would be a great help to have you proof-read my chapters. I think I'll have WhiteMage help as well, and between the two of you, you should be able to help fix all the errors in the story. Down the road though, as we'll try to attend to it sometime later.

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 11:13 pm 
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That;s fine by me, like I said, if ya ever need my help...I think you can find a way to find me and ask for help...(^^ =P

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 12:50 am 
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Chapter 5 is up.
Enjoy

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 Post subject: Re: Shadow Of The Eclipse - Comments
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:03 am 
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like usual interesting, thrilling and a not bad plot

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