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 Post subject: the past and the present
PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:16 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
i wrot this story last year im going to put it chapter by chapter
December 4, 1997

“Uh-huh” I said waking up where am I? Who am I? I got up off the ground snow? What is snow? It is not red, what is red? I started walking forward hoping for something and still wondering who I am, when a peace of paper came twrilling into my face. I looked at it and read the name Jack; I wondered how I knew how to read and assumed that was my name. I put the paper in my pocket, it went black.





please comment :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 10:42 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
September 17, 2005

I woke up and said “hi Jill.” “Hi Jack,” said Jill. I better go to school; I wouldn’t want to be late.
“So can anyone tell me what 50+50 is?” said Mr. Teacher. A bunch of hands shot up like helium balloons. You, Mr. Jack, everyone looked at me and I said “huh- oh 100” as I looked up. After recess a note plopped on my desk. I opened it and read party at my place, pass it on, Bill.

All of a sudden, I don’t know why but hot potatoes pass it on, pass it on, pass it, pass it, popped into my head, I tried not laugh. “JACK!” barked the teacher, “give me that note!! Now!!!” My stomach tightened. I felt my mouth go dry. I tried to gulp but my throat wouldn’t let me. “Well,” the teacher said, when I got up I felt millions of eyes on me and my stomach got tighter. It seemed like hours before I got to his desk. He took the note and I tried to stop my hand from trembling. He snatched it in an instant, he looked at it and a giant grin appeared on his face. My stomach got so tight I had trouble breathing “DETENTION Mr. Bill.” the teacher said, (it echoed through the one room school. It hurt my ears so badly I thought they’d break).

Lunch
Hey Jack, I spun around to see Bill and a group of kids starting to crowd around us expecting a fight. Thanks to you, I got a detention. “Why you’re welcome” said Jack! Why you! The next thing I knew he was charging at me! I was scared out of my mind. I could hear my heart go b-bump b-bump b-bump. No one could hear it over the frantic yells of Fight! Fight! Fight! The next thing I knew I charged at him! I dived under his legs. We charged again, he dived as I jumped over him. We charged again, he stopped and I ducked as he threw a punch. Then I jumped over his kick, it went dark as a sharp sting hit my face.
please comment :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:17 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 07, 2009 7:20 pm
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Location: Ohio
It's very interesting. The internal dialog of the character suggests a very strange psychology.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:44 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
December 4, 1997

A peace of paper hit me in the face I looked at it and read the name Jack. I assumed it was my name. I shoved it in to my pocket as huge gust of snow came in and knocked me into the freezing snow, all went dark.
please coment :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:44 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
December 26, 1997

He looks 5 years old. Who do you think he is? I don’t know, why do think he was out there? I don’t know, I think he was lost. Well I knew that! Well you asked me! “Ugh.” Shh I think he’s waking up. “Where am I, what happened to the snowstorm, how did I get inside, was this a dream” asked Jack? There is so much to tell you, where to begin. I know, how about are names, I’m Shelly and I’m Carol, what’s your name? “Jack,” I replied.
please coment :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:24 pm 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
September 30, 2005

I didn’t expect to see him again said Shelly, I know how unfortunate for him said Carol. “I know” said Shelly. “Ugh.” He’s awake said Shelly. “What happened, Shelly, Carol,” asked Jack? “He remembers us,” said Carol. How could I not, that was the best day of my life! If it wasn’t for you 2, I wouldn’t be here! How could you expect me to forget! “Well it’s been a while,” said Shelly. “Yeah I know”, said Jack. “Can we tell you about when we first met,” said Carol? “Sure”, said jack.
please coment :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:01 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
December 26, 1997

“Where Am I, what happened to the snowstorm, how did I get in side, was this a dream” asked Jack? There is so much to tell you, were to begin, I know how about our names I’m Shelly and I’m Carol. What’s your name?” My name is Jack. “Hi jack,” said Shelly. Why were you out there? I don’t know?” Where did you come from? I don’t know? Who are your family? I don’t know who my family is; I don’t think I have one. “Oh” said Shelly. “Are you 5,”asked Carol? Huh, 5 years old? “Um-? I guess so” said Jack. “Now to answer your questions” said Shelly and Carol “you’re not in a dream, luckily we found you outside. We brought you inside to our infirmary. You’re in a little town and you were unconscious for 20 days. “Oh thanks,” said Jack. “There will be a council with the person who organizes the town” said Shelly and Carol. “Okay,” said Jack.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:03 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
September 30, 2005

“There you go,” said Shelly. Thanks, but you still didn’t answer my question yet, what happened? “You got in to a fight with Bill and took a hard blow to the face, said Carol. Can you do us a favor? “Sure, what do you need? Take this gold and buy some seaweed, we need some for a patient. “Ok.”

At the market square
Hi, can I buy some seaweed? Sure one second, here you go. “Thanks” said Jack.

At the Infirmary
“Here you go,” said Jack. “Thanks” said Carol.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:08 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
October 1, 2005

“Hi Jill, I’m off for school,” said Jack. “Oh no your not! You will stay in your room until you are unsuspended,” said Jill. Suspended!! That’s right, and no buts mister!

Jacks room
“Ugh” Jack falls off the bed and falls asleep.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:10 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
February 6, 1998

“As you probably know a kid was found in the snow, his name is Jack and he has no family” said the councilor. Pauses. “So he will need a place to stay, does any one want to take him in?” Everyone was silent. I felt depressed, thought Jack. Alone, I felt like crying but before I could someone went on stage. “I will,” said one of the town’s folk. “This is Jill, you will be staying with her” said the councilor. I jumped for joy, was Joy my mother? It doesn’t matter anyway, “yhaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!”

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:11 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
October 10, 2005

“It’s time to go to school” said Jack, but then a fire appeared. Everyone was running wild. When the school burst into flames everyone turned around to see a dragon. Everyone was yelling and running. Homes were busting into flames. The dragon flew to the other end of the town. A huge gust of wind blew me off my feet. “JIIIIIILL!!!!!!!!!!” “JACK!!!!!!!!!!,” Jill and a couple of other towns folk cried. I landed on top of the mountain, it went black.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:23 pm 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
October 25, 2005

I woke up in a jail, “where am I”, said Jack? “Glad to see your awake” said a guard.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:24 pm 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
November 7, 2005


After boring days in the jail, I put my hands in my pockets and kicked, I had an Idea.

Night
I went to the wall and hit my head, rrrrrriiiiiiiiiipppp, “ahhhhhhhhh!” I yelled.
“What the?” Said the guard. What do I do? I know I’ll go get the boss and ran off but before he could do that, Jack stole his keys. “Heh,” I knew, that was a good idea thought Jack. I can’t believe that peace of paper was still in my pocket. Jack unlocked the door and hid in the shadows and snuck past the guards. When he was out, he ran down the hill.

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:25 pm 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
December 4, 2005

“I made it, huh oh no, this isn’t good”

Everything was burnt. Jack was stranded. This is the worst birthday I ever had.

TO BE CONTINUED
i alredy started making part 2 ill post it when its done please coment :D :D :D :D :D

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 Post subject: Re: the past and the present
PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 8:52 am 
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Middling

Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:05 pm
Posts: 252
Location: DK isles
good news i finished the second part

bad news it got deleted

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